Rating: 0.5/4
Scary Movie 5
If "A Haunted House" wasn't bad enough this year. Of all of the pointless, unnecessary, and ugliest squeals out there, such as with "The Godfather III", "The Two Jakes", "The evening Star", and "The Bourne Legacy", this is probably an easy shoot for the top spot. Not only was this Film unfunny, unnecessary, and just flat out ugly BUT it was one of the worst Film experiences have every had in 2013. No only did the last Film, "Scary Movie 4", suck but it also proved that there is no need for anymore pointless sequels in the World. Anna Faris ("Lost in Translation", "The House Bunny", "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs") couldn't even come back to do number 5. When that happen the Producers should have immediately shelved this crap out of production YEARS ago. But, NOPE! they just decided to cast Disney Star Ashley Tisdale, who is mostly known for working with the Disney Channel, providing the voice of Candace on "Phineas and Ferb",who was the worst most unfunny Actor in this whole Film. Pretty much EVERYBODY has been replaced in this Film. Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, Kevin Heart, Leslie Nelson, and even Carmen Electra, who NEEDS to stop being in these shitty parody Films. This is basically a "new chapter" in the "Scary Movie franchise", which I hope end now. The Film now references and parodies many other recent horror Films out there like, the obvious one, "Paranormal Activity", "Mama", "Sinister", The Cabin in the Woods , and "Black Swan" (which I don't know why because that Film came out 3 years ago!). Tisdale should get a razzie nomination for this Film because she was absolutely horrible in this Film. The only thing that was truly scary in this god-awful Film was her acting. I was cringing so much in this Film that I almost dislocated my fucking Bones. I for one think that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (Or, has what people call them, "Seltzerberg) must have written the Script for this but not credited because there is just so much gags and pointless scenes and things happening in this Film that instead of just making parodies one at a time it's just all over the place. There's the one scene where the make fun of the kissing scene with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis where Tisdale and Erica Ash where they basically do start to make out like they (Portman and Kunis) did in "Black Swan" but when it happens out of nowhere a bunch of random pop cultural and references comes out while they start to have sex. There's Tiger Woods, Ted from "Ted", Jack Dawson from "Titanic" (seriously, were still doing "Titanic" references?) , and it shows a YouTube video with some Cat licking a Lollipop.It's just SO unfunny that I don't even want to spoil it for you. The Film did have writer David Zucker ("Airplane!") to write some of this so you better get pissed at him to. You should actually see this Film. See it so you can see another pointless squeal that dose not at all need to exist in this very short life that us, as a species, are currently living. I'm sorry, but, I am just SO mad right now with wasting my time on this Garbage. See it at your own risk.
Scary Movie 5
If "A Haunted House" wasn't bad enough this year. Of all of the pointless, unnecessary, and ugliest squeals out there, such as with "The Godfather III", "The Two Jakes", "The evening Star", and "The Bourne Legacy", this is probably an easy shoot for the top spot. Not only was this Film unfunny, unnecessary, and just flat out ugly BUT it was one of the worst Film experiences have every had in 2013. No only did the last Film, "Scary Movie 4", suck but it also proved that there is no need for anymore pointless sequels in the World. Anna Faris ("Lost in Translation", "The House Bunny", "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs") couldn't even come back to do number 5. When that happen the Producers should have immediately shelved this crap out of production YEARS ago. But, NOPE! they just decided to cast Disney Star Ashley Tisdale, who is mostly known for working with the Disney Channel, providing the voice of Candace on "Phineas and Ferb",who was the worst most unfunny Actor in this whole Film. Pretty much EVERYBODY has been replaced in this Film. Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, Kevin Heart, Leslie Nelson, and even Carmen Electra, who NEEDS to stop being in these shitty parody Films. This is basically a "new chapter" in the "Scary Movie franchise", which I hope end now. The Film now references and parodies many other recent horror Films out there like, the obvious one, "Paranormal Activity", "Mama", "Sinister", The Cabin in the Woods , and "Black Swan" (which I don't know why because that Film came out 3 years ago!). Tisdale should get a razzie nomination for this Film because she was absolutely horrible in this Film. The only thing that was truly scary in this god-awful Film was her acting. I was cringing so much in this Film that I almost dislocated my fucking Bones. I for one think that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (Or, has what people call them, "Seltzerberg) must have written the Script for this but not credited because there is just so much gags and pointless scenes and things happening in this Film that instead of just making parodies one at a time it's just all over the place. There's the one scene where the make fun of the kissing scene with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis where Tisdale and Erica Ash where they basically do start to make out like they (Portman and Kunis) did in "Black Swan" but when it happens out of nowhere a bunch of random pop cultural and references comes out while they start to have sex. There's Tiger Woods, Ted from "Ted", Jack Dawson from "Titanic" (seriously, were still doing "Titanic" references?) , and it shows a YouTube video with some Cat licking a Lollipop.It's just SO unfunny that I don't even want to spoil it for you. The Film did have writer David Zucker ("Airplane!") to write some of this so you better get pissed at him to. You should actually see this Film. See it so you can see another pointless squeal that dose not at all need to exist in this very short life that us, as a species, are currently living. I'm sorry, but, I am just SO mad right now with wasting my time on this Garbage. See it at your own risk.